So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
