there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I supernannyed him into submission
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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