you guys were way drunker than both of me
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
