TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
