I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
