I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
