I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
