Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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