I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
