I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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