You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
