it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
