she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
