this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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