just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
