Swine flu. Run for my life!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
