I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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