Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
