Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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