oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
