if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
