and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
