I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
