you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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