He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
