i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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