if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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