meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
