I want to have your abortion
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
