And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
