It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
