Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
