So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
God I need to hump something, right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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