I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
