I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
