im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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