I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
