when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Best friends brother. Beat that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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