Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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