I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
