I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
