Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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