I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
