Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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