If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I didn't notice because vodka
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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