You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
