I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
