he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
love makes seman taste better
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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