We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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