the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
