I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
